I read something you post about MARRIAGE IN NIGERIA TRADITION/CHURCH on Tuesday, December 11, 2007.
I have questions that I need an urgent answer to.
1. Is there any different between introduction and engagement?
2. Is it possible to do church wedding first before engagement/traditional marriage once the two parent agreed to it?
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How are you doing? Sorry for the late response. I have been very busy.
To answer you questions:
Is there any different between introduction and engagement?
Yes there is a different between introduction and engagement.
In an essay, article, or book, an introduction is a beginning section which states the purpose and goals for writing the essay, article or book. This is generally followed by the body and conclusion of the essay, article, or book.
I order words introduction means the foreword or preface of something. It is the preliminary part of something or the part that leads up to the main part.
Traditional Marriage has four stages:
2. Family Requirement
3. Taking a Date
4. The Marriage
Introduction is the first step to traditional marriage. Here the man and the family formal inform the family of the woman, their intention or goal of coming to visit them.
If the introduction is properly done, and the girl agrees to the purpose of the visit, the family of the woman gives certain condition and requirement, which the man will fulfill if he is serious.
Taking a Date
After fulfilling the family condition and requirement, he makes another visit to take a date for the marriage. All thing working well, a suitable date is taken.
At the appointed date, both the family of the man and the woman gather for the marriage. The family of the woman formal or properly or officially hands over the woman to the father of the man charging him to take care her. The father of the man then hands over the woman to his son charging him to take care of his wife.
Conclusion of the Marriage
The marriage is concluded by the women in the woman family formally escorting her with her luggage to her husband house.
In traditional marriage, it is the father of the man that marry for him. And the woman’s family recognizes by handing the woman to the father of the man. In case of problem with the man the woman is expected to go to the father of the man to complain and not to her biological father.
Engagement is an arrangement to do something or go somewhere at a fixed time.
In English Marriage
Engagement is a formal agreement to get married. An engagement is a promise to marry, and also the period of time between proposal and marriage – which may be lengthy or trivial.
During this period, a couple is said to be affianced, betrothed, engaged to be married, or simply engaged. Future brides and grooms are often referred to as fiancées or fiancés respectively (from the French word fiancé). The duration of the courtship varies vastly.
Couples could engage without the consent of their parents. And could also disengage in the way they were engage.
In English marriage which we have adopted due to colonization, it is the woman that marries the man.
But in traditional marriage, it is the man that marries the woman. That is why it is the responsibility of the man to take care of the woman once married.
In the English marriage, engagement is the first stage of the contract to marry, before the actual date of exchanging the marriage vows in the court and sign the contact of marriage. Once the man breaches or breaks any of the contract terms, the woman can sue and the man goes to prison.
Is it possible to do church wedding first before engagement/traditional marriage once the two parents agreed to it?
The answer is yes it is possible and many have done it. But the question is “what they have done is it right?” As a people what is our Traditionally Ethic. Which comes first Church or Traditional Marriage?. Who gives his daughter out for marriage? Is it the Pastor or the father of the woman? Can a Pastor give a woman out for marriage before the father of the woman? Are we ruled by the tradition of our colonial masters or we want to be ruled with our tradition? Do we want to be identified or respect or traditional or that of a foreigner?
All these are questions to be answered by us, our traditional rules.
To really answer the question, it is wrong to do church wedding first before traditional marriage.
Is Traditional Marriage Engagement?
One point I want to make very very clear is that traditional marriage is not engagement. It is the real marriage ordained by God. That is why Jesus Christ attended one. We were not told that it was Jesus who officiated. Church has no business remarrying the couples but can bless the marriage.